Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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