I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
