genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
