Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
