if you like me you must not know who I am
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
