11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
