I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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