Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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