It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
