I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
