after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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