Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
