I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
