Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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