Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
