What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
