Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
