The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
