ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
