Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He shit in the fireplace
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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