Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
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So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
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Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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