I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
