you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
