Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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