I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
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I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
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I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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