Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
