I cockslap morals
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
