The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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