I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
