just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
