He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
home. puking in laundry basket.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
