So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
