If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
