you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
