There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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