Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
cat food counts as protein by the way
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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