I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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