I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
