if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
