I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
