Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
