u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
