just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
