Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
