About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
