o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
not ubering you a puppy
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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