i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
