There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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