omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
