I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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