i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
