the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I love you. Go after that dick
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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