she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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