I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
