Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
