I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
