I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize