dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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