EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
