The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
