I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
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His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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