this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
