he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize