Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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