ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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