i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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