hotel room ftw
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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